Scripture Reference: Philippians 4:6-7 (The Passion Translation)
Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell Him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.
I have always liked the saying ‘it’s the thought behind the thought’ because it speaks to discovering the root issue behind a specific behavior. This year has provided an opportunity to reflect on my life and allow the Lord to deliver me from a need to strive and perform for others.
As I began to look at the root issues of my life, I found that my desire to strive and perform was directly linked to a lack of identity. From a young age, I learned it was important to have various coping skills that could shift to fit any life situation. There was a fear of failure and being a disappointment. I developed a need to explain everything (past, present, and the future). My life was ruled by the feeling of being timed by a stopwatch and being unable to quit until the task was completed. I had a need to strive and perform to gain acceptance and to be loved. My efforts to survive revolved around these beliefs.
I was under so much pressure. Feelings of anxiety, apprehension, and insecurity were common. Every day I strived to put forth serious effort and energy to accomplish whatever plan was put before me. I rose above challenges to accomplish the task at hand and to give the appearance of success. However, it was all performance. In my attempts to be loved and accepted I lost myself. As a result, I didn’t know who I was at the very core of my being.
To get to the root cause of issues dealing with striving and performance, I had to ask for the Lord’s help. While going through my deliverance and healing process, I heard the song ‘You Say’ by Lauren Daigle. I remember that whenever I heard this song, I would just cry. This song challenged me to take a deeper look at who I am. Over time, I have become stronger and I can now sing that song with conviction because I know who God says I am and I believe what He says about me. I choose to believe that I am a child of God! I am His chosen! I am loved! I am strong! He is my Healer, Father, Provider, Protector, Strong Tower, Friend, Husband, and Lover of my soul!
I am currently relearning God’s way and experiencing freedom as the Lord delivers me from striving and performance orientation. As I become free, any threat of being bound again causes a heightened awareness within me. Because captivity happens subtly and is yet familiar, I have to be totally yielded unto the Lord at all times, so I won’t revert to old ways of thinking. I am better equipped and aware when the old pressure to strive and perform tries to come back. I now can recognize and handle triggering situations that could cause me to fall back on the unhealthy behaviors I displayed while living in survival mode.
What a difference God’s deliverance and process for healing have been for my life! I am thankful to know that deliverance and growing in Christ is a process. God never leaves us through the process.
Prayer: Father God, thank you for your mercy and grace. Holy Spirit, You help us to identify behaviors that disrupt our peace. Jesus, you are our example to reply “it is written” when the enemy attempts to overrun our thinking with lies of inadequacy. Thank you for Your covenant-keeping promises and faithfulness unto us. For indeed, whom the Son sets free, is free indeed! In the name of Christ Jesus, we pray. Amen!
© July 2020 Tonja L. Bruce and STDM Shut The Door Ministries, Inc.